Rooted

I had a dream about you last night
You were the same person I remember
Your skin felt the same
like dipping my finger in warm hot chocolate and feeling the chill
you tasted the same
like sucking salt off a lime
you smelled like you did
like my favorite shirt pulled straight from the dryer

In my mind you were there just within my reach
I wanted so much to touch you
I could never get close enough
The harder I tried
the farther you got

I began to cry
One tear at time
I found alice when I drowned
She pulled me up through your rabbit hole

I could see you running
always five steps ahead of me
when I reached you the roots pulled me down
and there you stood

inches from my face
silence
I opened my mouth to scream but
silence

You reached in and pulled out
my heart
put it in your pocket and turned your heel

I stayed rooted to the ground
with a hole in my chest
and a lock on my throat
I watched you go

You didn't even look back

The Lost and Found

Love Lost
Love Found
Love loss
Love gone

Heart hearst
Hear thy Heart
Mine not thine
My heart
My hurt
Hurt thy heart

Bam Bam Bam
ribcage
cage me in
locked in
lock and key
open my heart
shut your door
lie on the floor
imagine the ceiling

dance dance dance
under this tarp
with me

love loss
love found
love lost

forever mine
forever thine

fornever ours

ashes ashes we all fall down

Close my eyes
Sit in the dark
Let the music
Bring me back
to the nights
under the star light
hidden in your embrace
letting the car lights
illuminate the sand and
the ocean waves tipped in foam
We spun spin spin spin in a blurr
All I could ha was the music the taps and rasps
I let you lead me in circles in that empty parking lot
Around around we go where we stop nobody knows

I know

We stop in the middle of an empty living room on a Sunday Morning
I dont want to close my eyes again
the memories I know don't exist
a memory of a person I used
to know isn't the sad person
you have come to
be

Fiction

My fingers drift across your wrist
you hold my hand down

"Do you feel it?"

Your eyes are
soft warm
as you stare at me

I feel
my heart beat hard into my ribbed cage
my stomach swirl
my legs tingle

Im in a puddle
on the ground
you fall into me

quicksand

I wrap myself around you
as you slip

flips and tangles
sheets and pillows
days and nights
hands and feet
lips and limbs

I land back on
that white tiled floor
listening to the luminescent
light bulbs sing

"Do you?"

dispelling space

I lie awake at night
my mind filling the room
thoughts holding my eyelids up tight

I think back

to your soft white sheets
the warmth of your skin
as I slid my arm around your waist
nestled my head in the crook of your back

I feel safe if only for a few moments

Im not in love with you anymore

but that doesn't mean I don't miss you
or sometimes pretend someone else is you

I wish things were different
you were different
I was different

I wish those sheets and that soft warm body was here with me
in this lonely negative that dispells my space

I can hear only my breathing
but sometimes
I close my eyes so
I can hear yours too

Good Luck to You

I saw you today
my heart didn't thump like it used to

the numb buzz you left
has taken over

your smile doesn't leave me weak
it leaves me angry

you clung to me like a child
weak
tears spilled down your face
onto my foot as I looked down on your
knotted head

now you feel it too?
your heart is swollen and bleeding now too?

karma came around
she wrapped you in her arms
she suffocated you

im not sorry
you will feel
every choked breath I took
for five long
horrible
years

good luck

dream dream dream

In the swarm of your memories
I lie alone
dream dream dream
my little one

I wake up in a fog of your voice
my eyes are glazed
I cant see you
Where are you?

I can feel your shadow
tall and thin
creep across the clean wall
stop polluting this air I try so hard to breath

Your here I can feel your members flick
across the tip of my bones

I can feel the warmth of your mouth on the peach of
my ear

I wind myself tight
spin spin spin
I leak into the air
my glistening body holds tight to these sheets

I wake up
clear mind
clear eyes

your not here

memories

seem so real

when Im

sleeping

Keys

The weight of your head presses against my stomach
Your soft weezing fills the dead room

Funny
You only come around
when you sick

Am I your medicine?
You stick me in your cabinet
forgotten
until your head fills with cluster
until your throat begins to swell
your pain drains from your face and
you remember

that pretty girl
in that cabinet
right around the corner from our memories

that girl feels right
my key fits correctly in that door
its always open

is that what you think?
is that how you feel?

was her door not the right fit? Was it too small
too crooked

am I the right fit? Or
has your key broken down the grooves to my lock
comfort is what my body holds

in its folds and silk skin
that is why you show up on my step
your skin shimmering in the flickering yellow light
your hat pulled low covering your eyes
the spider's web that comes from your head
in thick white cords avoiding the world

you come and climb in these covers
my covers
me

you want me to fold you into
me
envelope you in my folds
hide you for the night
just enough for one nights sleep

but hinges only hold to rotting wood for so long
I dont know how much longer
you can unlock this
door

The way it is

I love you
I always have
I always will

There's nothing I can do

That's just the way it is

look what youve done

I know this is right
but it feels so wrong
Its lonley here
in this heartbreak you left

I see its left you too
Everytime you come by
you get smaller and smaller
the love you held has drained

Your left with nothing
but skin and bones
your skin drapes
over your body like
a wet sheet on an old tired line

that twine is tired now
its come undone
everything is undone
look what you've done

Addiction

I am an addict
Step One
I cant stop
Its like the plaque
constantly swimming and circling in my head like a shark
sometimes all you see is the tip of the fin
the soft gray
the warning to what is hiding beneath the dark salty waters

my heart beats fast
my eye twitches tightly
I know its bad for me
I dont care
I take it back
take you back
I break
no
self
control
The deed is done

The consequence always comes
relentless
I want to purge
feel the soft pad of my finger on the firm buds of my tongue
down down down
swirling

Out of my system

Ive paid for my sin

So
leave
me
alone

I cant resist your temptation anymore

Being without you is so painful
I remember how you've made me feel
that was real

you are my dark passenger

There is something so serene about staying awake through the night and waiting for the sun to show through my shades to finally decide to sleep <3 confessions of the nighttime insomniac

Sent from my iPhone

I can be selfish but I think I am accepting that....maybe

My heart is beating like a congo drum

Sometimes
You have to let the words out
let them spill and collect on the floor

So why cant I say them
I think them everyday

At work in the silence of the bookshelves
in the soft folds of the sweaters

At home in my kittens soft breathing
in the hum of the fan next to the bed

I hate you but I love you

Please stop torturing me

You don't know me
You never have

Everyday I tell myself that today is the day
I will tell you how I really feel

Then you name appears on my phone

In my mind I fling it across the room until it meets the wall and with quick gesture
dissipates

But I only put it back in my purse and pretend you don't exist
Just for right now
Just until my heart can heal

Stop reminding me you take up on space on this earth
My heart beats faster when your around
and it takes sporadic breaths when your gone

Your going to kill me if you keep this up

but lets see who dies first